Are you Dream Boy? (If so, you're toast!)

I keep having dreams about a boy, and he dies in every one of them. When I think about the dream after it's over and I'm awake or just waking up, I have a strong feeling that if I don't figure out who this boy is in my waking life, he'll die permanently. In dreams we know each other and our faces. In my dreams I'm not the same as who I am when I'm awake, I look different, I talk and act differently more often than not. But awake, I can't recall his face, his voice, much of anything about him. It only makes sense when I'm asleep and it's beginning to drive me crazy.

Sometimes I'll see someone and think maybe it looks like the dream boy, or I'll see a guy who has the feeling of familiarity that I get when I see the boy in the dreams. The feeling that I've known him for a long time and that I'm comfortable around him. His name changes in dreams. It was Justin in the last one, and I watched him fall off of a building and later die from internal injuries before an ambulance arrived to save him, an ambulance I called but since I didn't know the address I couldn't tell them where we were and it took them so long to find us that he died.

I've died in dreams before, not often and only twice that I can recall at the moment, but I know I've finitely ended in dreams and I'm still alive. I used to strongly believe that once I died in a dream I would die in real life at the same time, and that I would never awaken from that dream. I know now that's not true, which is great since I have episodes of sleep paralysis.

I think that the boy has red hair, or at least a very light brown. And I also think that he's younger, under 30 but anywhere from a young teen to a 20-something like myself. He's taller than me most times but not by much so I suppose he's under 6 feet tall. He's light skinned, he might have a tan but not much of one. His voice isn't deep, it isn't high pitched either. This much I'm sure of.

I'm guessing if I searched every website there is for this description, I still wouldn't find him by the time I die. I've pondered that he may be the dream version of myself but I know he isn't because when I dream and run into him I am literally running into him, saying hi, and we make small talk about how weird it is to have yet another dream where we're there hanging out, seeing each other again.

In dreams we've exchanged email addresses, phone numbers, real names, and none of it sticks when I'm awake. His face, name, defining characteristics that may help me find him, that stuff all disappears when I'm awake.

I really can't stand it. I thought if I could find him and talk to him for real, the dreams would stop. Is it possible to be dream-connected to somebody and only know them in dreams for the duration of a life time?

It may be helpful to note here that my twin brother died at birth, or sometime in the womb, or just after birth within weeks of being born, I've been told different stories. I should also note that my brothers are dead. However in dreams my brothers have never disguised themselves and never hid from me the fact that they are dead, they know they are dead, I know they are dead and I accept it for the most part.

The boy in my dreams resembles my last brother to die the most. However, my last brother was very, uh, how do you say it....he wasn't exactly wishy-washy the way the dream boy is. He was very tall, very pale skinned, very lanky, very blond haired (but dyed it very black), he was very flamboyant, very outspoken, and had a very strong presence to him -I wouldn't have forgotten any of that about him in dreams. That being said, dream boy is a lot like myself, and a lot like my brother. It is possible I took characteristics about my brother and myself, put them together and created this dream boy in my dreams to have somebody familiar to hang out with.

I used to have dreams about my brothers, I used to see them in real life, but all of that stopped happening within a few years of their deaths. It seemed like they only hung around until i was comfortable enough to let them go and move on somewhat, then they were just gone from sight for good. I don't like to be alone when I'm awake and the same goes for my dreams.

It still makes it awkward to see dream boy and have that, "Oh, it's you again, so what do we do now?" moment in dreams.

Also, dream boy loves the song 'Disassociative' by Marilyn Manson.

And sometimes I can hear him talking when I'm falling asleep. So, if this is possible, our minds start connecting when unconsciousness starts to set in. Which means he must be in the same time zone as me....or in Europe with very messed up circadian rhythms.

Sweet Dreams until next time.